Jurassic World
Dir. Colin Trevorrow
It's strange to think, but after three movies in the Jurassic Park franchise, we've never really seen what the park would've looked like had it been open to the public. Not until Jurassic World that is. Safety Not Guaranteed director Colin Trevorrow gives the park the "Disney World" treatment, showing the island up-and-running, filled with awestruck families from around the world in what looks like John Hammond's wet dream. But, it wouldn't be a "Jurassic" movie without the idea of controlling nature literally biting the characters in the ass. Jurassic World is a very stupid, CGI-heavy mess of a B-movie, hammed up to the nth degree. Nearly every human character is completely insufferable, and it pretty much retreads the same ground as Jurassic Park, without any of the intelligence or mastery of tension that Spielberg brought to the original. But, similar to San Andreas, this is so-bad-it's-good territory, and if you manage your disappointment levels (or if you flat out don't care about logic or character development), it's not a complete waste of a summer matinee.
But even dumber than the park logistics are the characters. They're all one sliver away from being the Kirby's from Jurassic Park III. First is the park's operations manager Claire Dearing, played by Bryce Dallas Howard. She's basically an icy cold, humorless businesswoman. Every single decision she makes is based on the park staying open and making money - regardless of any sort of immanent danger posed to the guests. Unlikable. Then there's Simon Masrani (Irrfan Khan), who's basically an Indian John Hammond, who, like Claire, pretty much doesn't give a flying fuck about park safety (and for some reason it's played off for "comedic relief" that he can fly a helicopter...what?). Unlikable. Then there's Vic Hoskins (Vincent D'Onofrio), who wants Chris Pratt to train the raptors into soldiers for the US military. Because THAT makes sense. Have you EVER heard of the army training a deadly animal like this? Imagine a bunch of army officers charging the front lines, with a grizzly bear wearing a helmet running alongside them. Or a tiger with a bulletproof vest. It's just so ridiculous you have to shake your head - yet I believe this film takes this plan very seriously and diabolically. Unlikable. Then there's the KIDS. God help us. Zach and Gray Mitchell (Nick Robinson and Ty Simpkins) are Claire's nephews, but are basically left to their own devices with VIP passes. Zach, the older brother, has only one personality trait: he likes girls. He is literally witnessing a miracle of the modern world in front of him, but he's more interested in texting and ogling the teeny boppers in the next seat over from him. Unlikable. And Gray is a twerpy little runt with a "Target commercial" haircut and enthusiasm for dinosaurs (exactly like Timmy from the original). The only thing we learn about Gray is that he's sad that his parents are getting a divorce - information we learn in a completely forced way and has no bearing to the rest of the story. Unlikable.
Jurassic World has a very vague and confusing connection to the other films. After the events of Jurassic Park and The Lost World, no one in their right mind would attempt to create this park. I mean, in The Lost World a T-Rex was set loose in San Francisco! It destroyed a Blockbuster! But Jurassic World ignores pretty much everything save for the fact that the events of the first film happened, almost entirely for fan-service reasons. There's a moment in the film where the kids journey to an abandoned area that used to be part of the old park (I guess the maintenance crew of Jurassic World got lazy and left it there). They find an old jeep, now 22 years old, which they get running on its 22 year old fuel. I'm no car expert, but that doesn't seem right. Why have this scene at all? It just feels so forced. It exists to tell the audience: Hey, remember that old thing you like?! Well, here it is!
I could go on and on about the idiocy of this movie (running in heels, the mother's "emotional" phone call, the ironic product placement, etc), but I don't have the energy to do that. It's an OK B-movie with some laughs here and there (intentional, unintentional, and cringe-worthy), and a ton of dino-action, which, despite the CGI-ness of it, wasn't as bad as I was dreading. Once the dinosaurs are let loose and start eating the guests, I was entertained, but I'd have liked more of that - especially since they must know how dangerous it is, they have it coming to them. I'd also have liked to see more of the "SeaWorld" angle I was getting from the trailers - by the end of the film it seemed that with the right care the dinosaurs could have lived happily in the park, but I disagree (and I think Ian Malcolm would as well). Jurassic World pales in comparison to the first movie, and the film continually draws comparisons between the films which only reminds you of the better movie that came out over twenty years ago. Still, in terms of "turn-off-your-brain" summer popcorn flicks you could do worse, and the final dino-battle gives Godzilla (2014) a run for its money (even though the scene was so illogical it hurt). Jurassic World is racking up a ton of dough at the box office, and I bet the general Transformer-loving, popcorn-eating, butterfingered public will eat it up.
Rating: C+
Spy
Dir. Paul Feig
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When Melissa McCarthy teams up with Paul Feig, it's usually a good sign; her movie roles outside of his flicks have generally kind of sucked (let's forget Tammy ever existed). Feig for whatever reason knows how to tap into her kind of abrasive, yet likable, humor. Spy is pretty much your basic spy spoof movie with McCarthy playing Susan Cooper, a CIA agent strapped to her desk, helping the suave Bond-like Bradley Fine (Jude Law) over a hidden earpiece - his "guardian angel." But when Fine is shot on the job by arms dealer Rayna Boyanov (Rose Byrne), Susan volunteers to go undercover to capture Boyanov and avenge her partner. Although it treads familiar ground, Spy is overall a fun movie with a bunch of laughs and a surprising amount of solid action set pieces.
Besides her role in St Vincent, Susan Cooper is probably the most restrained I've seen McCarthy; she's not necessarily pulling a "Chris Farley" here with wall-to-wall physical comedy - she's actually more of the "straight man," and more of a fleshed out character than a caricature. I appreciated that she pretty much did everything you'd expect from a man in a spy spoof, and the movie is pretty much gender neutral. Plus, as I said, the action is well choreographed, with one hand-to-hand fight in a kitchen being a standout. In it Cooper fights with all the objects at her disposal, and from what I saw it looked like McCarthy did a lot of it herself, without a stunt double. Sure it's no Tom Cruise-on-an-airplane, but I was impressed. Surprisingly the best part of the movie is Jason Statham, who's essentially playing himself from his own action movies. He's the "tough guy" who's been through it all, only in this movie it's more talk than anything else. One of the funniest scenes in the movie has Statham trying to one-up McCarthy by going down a laundry list of all the injuries he's sustained over the years.
It's generally funny, but I don't think it's quite as good as Feig's other movies with McCarthy (Bridesmaids and The Heat). While there were plenty of chuckles to be had (like the "puke" scene), there were quite a few stinkers (the inclusion of 50 Cent felt so awkward and forced - they seemed to be going after a Hangover/Mike Tyson kind of thing but it didn't work). The most puzzling thing about the movie is that they made it in the first place. I mean, a SPY SPOOF? Again? Austin Powers is nearly 20 years old at this point - and even that came out way past when a "Bond" spoof was relevant; it's just a dated concept. Still, Spy is just enough of a good time to warrant getting your ass off the recliner and into the theater.
Rating: B-
Insidious: Chapter 3
Dir. Leigh Whannell
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James Wan left horror for ridiculous car stunts on Furious 7, so taking over the director's chair for the third installment in the Insidious franchise is Leigh Whannell, who wrote and starred in the previous entries. Insidious Chapter 3 brings its focus away from the Lambert family to a whole new family. Set before the events of the first two, Chapter 3 follows teenager Quinn Brenner, who's experiencing some creepy stuff after a visit with a reluctant psychic Elise (Lin Shaye), where she attempted to contact her dead mother. Quinn is then followed by a malevolent being that finds its home in her bedroom vents, and to make matters worse, after a car accident she's immobile in her apartment with two broken legs. So there's literally nowhere to run, because she physically can't. It's a pretty interesting concept for a horror movie, and I was pleasantly surprised this wasn't a complete disaster.
After a while, Quinn's blue collar dad (Dermot Mulroney) contacts Elise, and together they venture into the "Further," which is appropriately creepy. The demon thing is pretty scary looking, and I wish we could've learned more about it. Although the movie relies heavily on jump scares, and it's incredibly forgettable, it's a generally satisfying experience for those looking for an OK time with a horror movie. It's bland, but it suffices. For ranking purposes, I'd put it between the other movies, with the first being the best.
Rating: C+
Slow West
Dir. John Maclean
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By this point, has the Western genre completely dried up? Is there a single fresh take left on the genre? Well, first-time director John Maclean has attempted to put his spin on it, though I don't think it quite succeeds at being a good movie in the process. Slow West is about a young, Scottish teenager Jay Cavendish (Kodi Smitt-McPhee) - thin as a rail, naive about the ways of the west, and looking to find his lost love, Rose (Caren Pistorius) and her dad (Rory McCann). In his travels he's saved by a wandering bounty hunter named Silas (Michael Fassbender), who he thinks is there to help him to his destination, but really he's after the $2000 bounty for Rose and her dad, which Jay doesn't know about. The film is sort of a weird blend of slightly subverted Western tropes, dark comedy, and some really blatant metaphors (there's a moment where a character literally has salt put on his wound...subtle).
Even at a brief 84 minutes, it was slow going (go figure, from the title). It was somewhat entertaining, but overall, I didn't feel strongly about the characters or their journey at all. It's clear that Jay has his head in the clouds, and you know everyone's not going to be singing Kumbaya by the end, so I wasn't really invested in the story. Fassbender channels his inner Eastwood, but for some reason it simply never grabbed me. And Ben Mendelsohn, an actor I've had my eye on ever since The Place Beyond the Pines, is completely wasted here as a fellow bounty hunter; apparently he was only available for a total of three days to shoot, so instead of re-casting the part with someone else, Maclean rushed through his character's scenes and it shows. It's not a bad movie by any means, but I just feel so lethargic toward it. Worth a rental if you're into Westerns.
Rating: C+
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