Kingsman, Still Alice, Song of the Sea, Mr. Turner Reviews

Kingsman: The Secret Service

Dir. Matthew Vaughn

Watch Trailer

In the classic action movie Men in Black, an older, experienced white professional man takes on a younger, hotheaded protege with a streetwise attitude, bringing him through secret training in an underground facility to test his defensive skills and class-up his wardrobe. This is almost the same exact plot structure of Kingsman, only it deals with spies instead of aliens - and Men in Black was actually well-made and entertaining. Kingsman is unfunny, cringeworthy, misogynistic, boring, and cliched. It wears its influences on its sleeve (James Bond is the obvious example), but doesn't cleverly deconstruct the genre in any way, it simply references better movies to sound smart and "meta" while being more or less a masturbatory, "dumb" action exercise for Matthew Vaughn.

Predicting the 87th Academy Awards (EVERY CATEGORY) [UPDATED]

It's almost here, guys! The Oscars! The one time of year "regular people" go out and decide to watch something at least in the ballpark of 'quality films.' I also love the Oscars because, as frustrating as they are when it comes to the nominees, it's so much fun to predict. As a movie fan, this is my Super Bowl. And this year is definitely tougher to predict than last (surprising myself I got 20/24 last time), especially in the screenwriting categories.  But here it is, for the fourth year in a row - here are my official, set-in-stone, no-turning-back predictions for the 87th Academy Awards! Enjoy!

Jupiter Ascending, Sponge Out of Water, A Most Violent Year, Two Days One Night Reviews

Jupiter Ascending

Dir. Andy & Lana Wachowski

Watch Trailer

Since The Matrix was released over 15 years ago, it seems like the Wachowski Siblings' entire career has been saved by the prestige of that single iconic sci-fi movie. After the major big-budget failures of Speed Racer and Cloud Atlas, it's astonishing that Warner Brothers even dared to give them another chance, especially with something as bonkers as Jupiter Ascending. The movie stars Mila Kunis as "Jupiter Jones," a toilet-cleaner who has no idea she is, genetically speaking, the queen of Earth. Similarly to Sarah Connor in The Terminator, she finds herself surrounded by people from another world, either trying to save or kill her, telling little-old-her that she is important to the survival of the human race in the future. The "Kyle Reese" character here is Caine Wise (Channing Tatum) a half-man, half-wolf, Spock-eared badass on rocket skates, and the "Terminator" this time around is played by Eddie Redmayne, who wants to harvest Earth. The problem is that whereas James Cameron's film had a tight, well-written script, with developed characters, high-stakes action, and some kind of underlying logical structure, Jupiter Ascending has none of those things and may very well mark the end for big budget Wachowski features.

American Sniper, Blackhat, Mortdecai, Paddington Reviews

Hey guys! I saw a couple of these movies nearly two weeks ago - so sorry for the delay. Unfortunately my life outside of this silly blog had my schedule blocked up. Talking about Blackhat at this point kind of seems totally irrelevant, but my OCD prohibits me from not posting a review for every movie I see in theaters, regardless of how long it takes me. I can't help it, guys.

American Sniper
Dir. Clint Eastwood
Watch Trailer

American Sniper has given rise to some weird film-related controversies. Based on the memoir of Chris Kyle, who the tagline touts was the 'Deadliest Sniper in US History,' the movie, regardless of how it actually handles its subject matter, has been a bizarre platform from which celebrities and politicians have been voicing their political opinions. Two strange tweets posted immediately after the release of the film by Michael Moore and Seth Rogen, two guys I usually admire, had me scratching my head in puzzlement. Moore cryptically mentioned how his grandfather was killed by a German sniper and that 'snipers are cowards,' and Rogen, fresh off his already world-reknowned controversy with The Interview, posted another insensitive post comparing American Sniper to the Nazi Propaganda film in Inglourious Basterds. I have mixed feelings about the film, but in the end it portrays war as anything but glorious. It's a bit one-sided, but if American Sniper does anything well, it's showing the effect that war has on its soldiers via one man's singular experience.

Inherent Vice, Selma, The Homesman, The Gambler Reviews

Inherent Vice
Dir. Paul Thomas Anderson
Watch Trailer

At this point, Paul Thomas Anderson has basically established himself as a master filmmaker. I consider Magnolia, There Will Be Blood, and Boogie Nights to be modern-day classics, and as far as I'm concerned, he can do no wrong...until now that is. Inherent Vice, faithfully adapted from a perplexing novel by Thomas Pynchon, makes no sense. That's just an objective fact - even critics who claim to love this movie will admit it. The story follows "Doc" Sportello (Joaquin Phoenix), a pot-smoking (among other things) hippie detective from the early 70's - who's tasked by his former girlfriend, Shasta (Katherine Waterston), to help her with a situation involving real estate tycoon Mickey Wolfmann (Eric Roberts), whose wife is plotting to send him to the looney bin. But soon both Shasta and Mickey go missing, and the rest of the movie is just a complete mess of barely coherent A-to-B "detective" work. I understand the whole point of the disjointed narrative is to emulate Doc's marijuana-laced mindset, but to spend over two hours watching a movie with no clear narrative through-line, even with some funny character moments along the way, was just not enjoyable to sit through.

10 Biggest Oscar Snubs of 2015

Despite what some people have to say about awards season, I love it. Sure, it creates some sort of unnessary hierarchal structure with films that don't deserve to be "pitted" against each other, and sure, it's a totally unequal playing field in terms of the campaign money being thrown around, but it does get the "average" movie-goer out of the house to see something that doesn't feature some variation of a giant robot riding a giant dinosaur. But sure enough, every year some films and people are left out - here are the 10 biggest Oscar snubs of 2015 (according to me)!

10. Ava DuVernay for Selma

Before the nominee announcement, it seemed like DuVernay had a secure position on the list. Even though I agree with the snub, it would have been nice to have a female in one of the "big" categories, and she would've been the first black woman to be nominated for Best Director. Oh, well.

The Interview, Into the Woods, The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies Reviews

The Interview
Dir. Seth Rogen & Evan Goldberg
Watch Trailer

Eclipsed by the news stories surrounding it, the public at large, finally able to see the seemingly "banned" The Interview in theaters and online, seems to have forgotten that this movie isn't some sort of ultra-dark, biting satire on a ruthless dictator - this is a Seth Rogen comedy. With fart jokes, dick jokes, and shoving-foreign-objects-up-your-butthole jokes. I really don't understand the strangely negative reactions towards this movie - I blame the unbelievable amount of hype. I seriously thought The Interview was sophomoric hilarity that pokes fun at, rather than digs heavily into, a truly fucked up dictator, which ends up fitting perfectly in line with the movie's tone.