Predicting the 85th Academy Awards (EVERY CATEGORY) [UPDATED]

The biggest movie awards show with Seth Macfarlane hosting is only a week away!  Yay. I had fun doing this last year, so I'm going to predict EVERY category that the Academy gives out those little statuettes for.  And again I'm not saying who I want to win, but who I think will win.  Alright, deep breath, here we go! (Once the show is over, I'll highlight the winners in gold.)

A Good Day to Die Hard Review: John McClane channels 007, fails miserably

Dir. John Moore
97 Minutes
Rated R

Once you get to the fifth film in a franchise, either it is part of a pre-determined saga (like Harry Potter or Star Wars), or it is simply an attempt by studios to milk a brand name for all its worth.  Sometimes films can rise above the producer's intentions and create something different and artful, but most of the time it's a hastily put together complete piece of shit.  A Good Day to Die Hard falls in the latter category.  This doesn't even feel like a movie.  It feels like the amalgamation of every action movie convention vomited on screen with no real reason behind it.

Side Effects Review: Soderbergh's "final" theatrical film is a dark and twisty look at the world of prescription drugs

Dir. Steven Soderbergh
106 Minutes
Rated  R

Steven Soderbergh is not retiring.  The movie blogosphere went aflame with unwarranted disappointment after Soderbergh stated that Side Effects would be his final theatrical outing as director, which may be true (though I doubt it), but his words were misconstrued; he was simply expressing that he wanted to try other things, like a television mini-series or maybe something along the lines of Netflix's House of Cards.  In my mind I'm game for anything he does, no matter what the format, so stop crying about this being the final film.  But all that nonsense aside, Side Effects, if it were to be his last film, would be worthy of that title.  In many ways an homage to Hitchcock, the film brought back Scott Z. Burns, who teamed with Soderbergh on Contagion a couple years ago (which landed in my top ten of 2011) and The Informant before that.

Warm Bodies Review: A spin on the "zombie comedy" that doesn't quite work despite an original premise

Dir. Jonathan Levine
97 Minutes
Rated PG-13

Warm Bodies is an adaptation of Isaac Marion's novel of the same name, a romantic zombie comedy directed by Jonathan Levine (director of 50/50, one of my favorite movies of 2011).  The story follows a zombie named "R" (Nicholas Hoult) who shuffles around all day, only able to express himself through grunts and moans to his zombie friend "M" (Rob Corddry).  We hear his thoughts via voiceover narration, which lets us into his somber, lost life (it's a pretty obvious parable for adolescence).  When setting upon a group of humans, he inexplicably saves one because he falls in love at first sight with her.  What follows is a Beauty and the Beast style romance that forms between the two, which can be sweet thanks to the two leads, but the film too often retreats into convention and lacks the "oomph" other entries into this sub-subgenre have offered.

The Last Stand Review

I'm a big fan of Kim Ji-woon, who is among the recent slew of great directors to have come out of Korea in the past ten or so years.  With The Last Stand he makes his American movie debut, which is also the film that finally puts the governator back in the spotlight.  Not since Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines has Arnold Schwarzenegger headlined an action picture, but the question is: did we ever really want him back?  The Expendables is a showcase of how incomprehensibly bad has-been action stars can make a movie, so going into this I was pretty weary despite the director having some amazing films under his belt (and judging by the abysmally low box office - $7 mil on a ~$35 mil budget - audiences weren't excited either).  But even though this was as brainless as entertainment gets, I have to say it does have its moments and the final 20 minutes is just a lot of pure fun action.

Schwarzenegger is not a good actor.  He never was; his best role was in The Terminator where his objective was to not emote whatsoever.  That being said there was always a certain silly charm he brought to his films, and though his age really shows here, this is kind of a nice return-to-form for Arnold.  He plays the sheriff of a small town on the border of Texas, which is soon to be under siege by a group of Mexican gangsters on the run.  The plot doesn't matter too much, but I sort of found myself liking and rooting for the quirky characters in this town.  Luis Guzman and Johnny Knoxville in particular are great, and the movie takes the time to give them their little moments so when the climactic action scene happens, you actually care about what happens to them.

I do think the best thing this film had going for it was Kim Ji-woon, who knows how to shoot a damn movie.  In incapable hands this could have been a train wreck, but the action here is really well-done, and during car chases and shootouts you clearly understand the geography of all the craziness (unlike Taken it isn't just frenetic cuts and close-ups).  There's one sequence with a cat-and-mouse chase between two cars in a corn field that particularly took me by surprise in how good it was.  Besides a lot of CGI blood, I appreciated that the movie heavily focused on real, practical effects.  Especially during the car chases, there's just something missing when you know it's not real; here it is, and it's glorious.

This movie gets the little things right, but the script wasn't too hot.  There's a major subplot involving Forest Whitaker as an FBI agent tracking down these criminals that doesn't work at all.  He's probably one of the least competent non-comcial FBI agents I've ever seen in a film.  And Arnold, even though he's not "worse" than he used to be, shows his age in a negative way here. It's hard not to watch this without thinking about it; simply running up stairs seems to wind him.  At least his limited physicality opened up the action for the minor characters to have their moments.  There are some boring, half-assed characters and plots in here (like the villain and a thrown-in love interest between two deputies), but all in all it was an entertaining, non-challenging, campy b-movie that I couldn't help but enjoy despite its problems.

Rating: B-

Mama, Broken City

Mama:

Based off of the Spanish-language short film (real short at under five minutes) of the same title and director, this Guillermo del Toro-produced horror picture from first time feature director Andres Muschietti  couldn't have been released at a better time, where Jessica Chastain is hot off her success in Zero Dark Thirty.  The film is about a couple little girls, who after a horrible and gripping series of events are left alone in a cabin by their father.  After five years of their disappearance, the girls' uncle (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau) finally tracks them down, but they've basically devolved into feral children.  Him and his rocker girlfriend (Chastain), who has her reservations about becoming an aunt, adopt the kids and try to help them re-integrate into a normal life.  But those kids didn't live in that cabin alone - they were mothered by a malevolent ghost which came home with them.

The first half hour of the movie is grade-A magnificence.  It plays as a pure psychological drama and both the leads and the girls give the material a huge boost in believability.  Through a chilling but simple opening credits sequence you understand how the girls lived in the cabin without wasting any time.  The movie gets the tone completely right and there's enough doing on dramatically to recommend this to any fan of the genre.

That being said, this film does lose some steam after a while.  There's a lot of untapped potential from the 'parent' angle, and due to certain elements of the story, it focuses mostly on Chastain's character (we never really see how the uncle has to deal with being a new parent).  At a point the plot becomes all about jump scares and the creepy ghost (which is an actually scary design for a creature), but the most interesting stuff was happening in "reality."  If this was only about feral children, or if the ghost stuff was left more ambiguous, this could have been a classic.  As it is it's a very well-done, but flawed first feature.

Rating: B-

Broken City:

This film has been in limbo since 2008.  Having been one of many blacklisted scripts in Hollywood, the project finally got off the ground when Alan Hughes (who co-directed The Book of Eli with his brother) got a hold of it.  Pretty much the opposite of a "passion project," this destined-for-the-bargain-bin title is not worth your time.

Mark Wahlberg plays a private eye working for the mayor of NYC (Russell Crowe) to find out who is cheating on his wife (Catherine Zeta-Jones).  But is the mayor really doing that, or does he have something up his sleeve, trying to set Marky Mark up in a confusing, convoluted manner?  The answer is yes, and this is possibly the most mediocre, boring film I've seen in a long time.  I don't even know what to say about it.  My strongest memory about this movie is sitting in the theater having to listen to the old lady in front of me, eating both a cheese stick and a stalk of celery, repeat almost every line of dialogue to her equally-withered friend.  Broken City is a broken movie, and I can't even think of a single positive thing about it.  There was unanimous grumbling coming from my audience once it was over.  Besides the actors giving it their all, on a fundamental script level this is a poor excuse of a film.

Rating: D-

Gangster Squad Review

Gangster Squad is the latest picture from Ruben Fleischer (Zombieland, 30 Minutes or Less) that's had a lot of problems along the way.  Originally slated for a September release, the film was pushed back to account for the tragedy in Aurora.  There was a shootout in the film that took place in the famous Grauman's Chinese Theatre, which the cast and crew decided would be distasteful towards the victims, so they had to reshoot it.  Then flash-forward to today, this finally released "passion project" that Fleischer had a difficult time convincing the stars and producers to make ended up not doing so well at the box office, performing third under the mature award-buzz flick Zero Dark Thirty and the Paranormal Activity spoof from Marlon Wayans, A Haunted House.  Plus, the actual movie kind of sucks too.

The story is about real-life gangster Mickey Cohen (Sean Penn), who basically owns all of Los Angeles.  Josh Brolin plays a police officer summoned by Nick Nolte to create a squad of officers to stop him (including Ryan Gosling, Anthony Mackie, Giovanni Ribisi, Michael Peña, and Robert Patrick).

I think this film should have been retitled "Film Noir for Dummies."  If it weren't for the excess amount of blood and gore, I think this cleaned-up version of 1940's Los Angeles looks like it was made for children.  Everything about this film falls flat.  The plot lacks any tension whatsoever, and the stakes aren't clear.  Sean Penn is going all-out as a cartoonish Rocky and Bullwinkle-styled villain that's hard to take seriously.  Ryan Gosling is doing some high-pitched thing with his voice that doesn't fit at all with the character.  His relationship with Emma Stone lacks any of the chemistry they shared in Crazy, Stupid, Love.

There is so much wasted talent and potential in Gangster Squad.  Before his film career, Fleischer was a music video director, which is easy to tell for he uses the worst techniques imaginable here.  Slo-mo bullets, over-use of effects, and a too-polished-for-real-life look really hinder the film.  It's a shame because his first film Zombieland, featured some of the best uses of slow motion I've seen in a long time (especially during its amazing opening credits sequence); it's too bad he couldn't have found new ways to show off his techniques here, where he often resorts to the standard bullet shells flying.  Film noir is supposed to be dark and gritty (the actual term literally means "black film"), so something just felt bland about this movie to me.  It felt more like an exercise for Fleischer than a film with any kind of meaning behind it. It's not necessarily a poorly put together film (you'd have no idea scenes were cut and re-shot), but it's incredibly mediocre considering the talent involved. Disappointing on every level.

Rating: C-