Top Ten: Movies that scared me as a child

Because why not?  It's Halloween and I have the day off from school because of Hurricane Sandy.  Now this is not a list of the scariest movies of all time; this is an entirely personal list of ten movies/shows that freaked me out or gave me nightmares as a young boy growing up on the tough streets of southern New Hampshire.

10. Casper (1995)


*my general reaction to the film

Give me a break, I must have been about 3 or 4.  But from what my dad tells me, my hands were covering my eyes for most of the movie.  I grew to love it, and I think it's a pretty underrated family film at this point, but back in the day this was more terrifying to me than finding razor blades in your Halloween candy.


9. Children of the Corn (1984)

Now here is a movie you should not watch in kindergarten.  I did, and that haunting tune of chanting children, seeing children hanging on crosses, and witnessing what was supposedly the devil coming up from under the ground -- this was a tough one on me for a while.


8. Nightmare on Elm Street 4 (1988)



This was once playing during Halloween on the PAX channel, back when that existed.  I was up a little later for some reason, and all I could remember was this one girl helplessly trapped in a box, slowly turning into a cockroach (WARNING: this is a tad graphic).


7. Batman Returns (1992)



If you think about it, this is a pretty dark movie.  The film opens with two parents throwing their infant into a river, and the character designs are all pretty weird and spooky.  But the part of the film I just could not handle as a kid (it made me leave the room every time) was the scene where Selina Kyle takes a nutty and starts shredding all her stuffed animals in the garbage disposal.


6.  Goosebumps ('95-'98)


*My favorite episode of the show -- best scene @ 15:36

I'm kind of cheating here, but Goosebumps was my life as a kid.  The books were top notch, the show was at times pretty scary, and there was a criminally undiscovered awesome video game for the PC that I still have from years ago.  It's a live-action point-and-click game called Escape from Horrorland and if you find a way to play it do so, I think it ranks up there in creepiness.  At one point Goosebumps ruled the world, so I couldn't leave it off this list.


5. Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs (1937)



The movie alone didn't scare me, but one image from this film seriously kept me awake at night.  It's the visual of the evil queen randomly appearing in Snow White's window.  I'd terrify myself in bed, imagining that if I opened my eyes I would see the witch, right there in front of me, looking through the window.  Honestly I don't even know if I've told this to anyone - I guess blogging can be therapeutic.


4. Real Scary Stories ('00-'01)

I distinctly remember needing my mom or dad to be present while this show was on.  I don't know why I kept watching it because I was so genuinely frightened of this program.  I genuinely thought ghosts were real and the way they presented the stories, with the creepy narrator and weird video effects really messed with my head.  I was kind of surprised to find out on IMDB this only lasted a year, but its effects lasted on me for much longer than that.


3. Stephen King's IT (1990)



I think this was among the first true horror movies I owned and watched at a young age.  The character of Pennywise the Clown is, in my opinion, one of the best horror villains ever put to screen, played gloriously sinister by Tim Curry.


2. Blair Witch Project (1999)



When I first saw this, I believed it was real.  Nowadays with a simple internet search you can find out everything, but I truly thought what I was watching was an actual uncovered documentary, and I don't think any other movie will ever be able to accomplish what Blair Witch did.  An amazing one-of-a-kind film with an ending that will forever be imprinted onto my mind, truly nightmarish.


1. The Exorcist (1973)


*audience reactions start around 1:45

The granddaddy of all mentally scarred children.  I watched this late at night - like from midnight to 2am - sometime around second grade, and I had trouble sleeping for months.  The idea that the devil could possess you, any time, any where, including your OWN BED, was fucking scary.  I've since grown up and become jaded to a point where I don't think a fictional film can ever affect me like that one did, but every time I watch it I still get some residual feelings of disturbance.

Hope this wasn't a waste of everyone's time -- Happy Halloween!

Paranormal Activity 4 & Seven Psychopaths

Paranormal Activity 4:

I am a sucker for these things.  I will agree that this is the worst of the series, I will agree that this doesn't add any new scares or ideas to the franchise (despite a kind-of cool use of the Xbox Kinect motion sensor), I'll even agree that there are some pointless characters and scenes littered throughout, but I still thoroughly enjoyed myself.  Sue me.  Something about the overall aesthetic of these films just make me excited deep down inside, even when I know full well what to expect from the very beginning.

What held this together for me were the main leads (two young-ins, Kathryn Newton and Matt Shively).  Their chemistry together felt pretty real to me and they were as likable a teenage couple as I've seen in any horror film.  I also thought the evil socks-and-sandal-wearing harbinger of death known as Robbie (a 7ish year old boy named Brady Allen) was appropriately creepy and weird.  I think as long as Paramount is milking this series for all its worth, Catfish helmers Henry Joost and Ariel Schulman know what they're doing.  If you're looking for a solidly made jump-scare flick for your Halloween season pleasure, I might recommend this.

(Am I crazy?  All the reviews are trashing this!)

Rating: B-

Seven Psychopaths:

On paper this sounds like a custom-made order for me.  The incredibly Irish playwright responsible for 2008's In Bruges (one of my favorite films of that year) would be writing/directing a film starring Colin Farrell, Sam Rockwell, Christopher Walken, and Woody Harrelson?  Where do I sign up?  Unfortunately, despite what its title would suggest, this is less the Pulp Fiction-inspired cool-fest that In Bruges was and more a drab, somewhat pretentious reflection on Hollywood movies.  The film follows Colin Farrell's character, an aspiring screenwriter, as he attempts to write a screenplay entitled "Seven Psychopaths." His friend, played by Sam Rockwell, is a thief who steals dogs for the reward money.  But then he happens to steal a dog belonging to a crazy gangster (Harrelson).  Rockwell is hell bent on helping Farrell write his screenplay, and antics ensue when it turns out he's got the same twinkle of crazy in his eyes as the people they run into.

I felt my consciousness drop in and out during this movie.  I couldn't help it, I just found this offbeat flick to be boring.  The dialogue was so unrealistic and "meta" I couldn't take it.  I really love the main cast of this film, and there was a lot of potential with this material, but I guess Martin McDonagh decided to put his intellectual scarf on and make a piece of pretentious bullshit that only a playwright could deliver.

Rating: D

Sinister & Argo

Sinister:

I like Ethan Hawke, I thought Scott Derrickson's previous film The Exorcism of Emily Rose was a breath of fresh air, and I've been following writer C. Robert Cargill's reviews for a while now, so I figured I'd give this movie a chance despite it's terrible trailer.  Although the film is a little darker and a little scarier than you'd think, it's still an unoriginal cliche you've seen countless times.  The movie follows a true-crime writer whose last hit was a decade ago and just wants one last chance.  He moves into a new house - which just so happens to have been the scene of a violent crime - with his wife and two kids.  Mr. Hawke then finds a box of old Super 8 film reels in the attic, which depict all kinds of the heinous acts committed by the same lunatic.

My favorite parts of Sinister were the ultra-realistic and disturbing Super 8 films, along with a few scenes of Ethan Hawke acting the fuck out of a limited script, but I couldn't imagine that anyone leaving the theater will remember it the next day.  There is one stupid character decision after the other, and the potentially interesting idea of finding clues to an old murder is squandered by an unnecessarily supernatural plot.

Rating: C

Argo:

Ben Affleck's The Town showed that he has the chops as an actor/director, so I was definitely intrigued to see how he'd follow it up.  Argo is based on a true story, where a group of CIA agents were to evacuate a group of Americans out of Iran in the late 70's/early 80's, using the location-scouting of a fake Hollywood sci-fi picture as their passage inside.  While the film is very well directed, personally I found it to be kind of a slog.  Most of the run time is devoted to Ben Affleck walking and talking about his plan, instead of real action.  The film picks up towards the end, but by then I had sat through 1.5 hours of 'alright' scenes.  Fans of political thrillers may enjoy this, but this sort of thing just isn't my bag...baby.

Rating: C+

Frankenweenie & V/H/S

Frankenweenie:

The origin of this salute to Frankenstein can be traced all the way back to 1984, when a young Tim Burton produced a few short films for the Walt Disney company, the last of which was a ditty called Frankenweenie.  Starring Shelley Duvall and Daniel Stern, this live-action short was supposed to play in theaters before a re-release of Pinocchio, but the project was shelved and Burton was fired for "wasting company resources" and making something too scary for children.  But I guess now Burton and Disney are bros again, seeing as they've made billions of dollars together, and with the success of kid-friendly scare-fests like Laika's Coraline and Paranorman it was time to reanimate the property.

I thought this stop motion remake was a beautiful return to form for Burton.  This is more Edward Scissorhands and Ed Wood than Alice in Wonderland.  The black and white photography was stunning, and the character designs as you would imagine are well conceived. I also love that the film isn't afraid to deal with the dark subject matter that was present in the original Frankenstein, such as ignorance and the morality of science.  Danny Elfman was on top of his game as well, with a score that reminded me a lot of Scissorhands.  All in all, it's a great film that any animation, Burton, or old school horror fan would enjoy.  If I have one complaint it's that it really did feel like a short film stretched out to make it feature length.  This would've worked much better if it was cut down to 40-45 minutes because it's not set on as grand a scale as a Pixar adventure; it works best during the quiet moments, and the loud ones smell like they're there for marketing purposes.  Still, I love seeing animated films that aren't made with only drooling infants in mind.

(Watch the original Frankenweenie here)

Rating: A-

V/H/S:

One dying sub-genre is the anthology horror movie.  I happen to love movies like Creepshow and also love the caught-on-camera style, so seeing this marriage between the two was a no-brainer.  Unluckily, all the characters in this film had no brains either.  A great concept is squandered by bad characters and not enough connective tissue between the stories.  There are 6 "shorts" in all, each directed by a 'notable' horror director.  I liked some of the shorts much better than others, with my favorites being Second Honeymoon by Ti West (House of the Devil) and 10/31/98 by the quartet of directors known as Radio Silence.  But the main arc of the movie follows the most despicable characters I've ever witnessed on screen. The way the shorts fit into the narrative is that this band of lowlives (who rape and vandalize for fun) find a bunch of VHS tapes in an abandoned house they were looting and start to watch them.  It's an interesting concept, to do this in place of just separate title cards for each movie, but the bad taste that these characters leave lingers throughout most of the film.

V/H/S does not at all skimp out on blood, guts, or scares (if you scare easily), but something about it felt too exploitative.  It was like the whole thing reveled in these disgusting people, and the graphic violence and gore was put on display merely for our pleasure and not any kind of logical reason.  It's a very unique film, and the footage, unlike Cloverfield or Chronicle, actually looks like it could be "real," but there was so much cringe-worthy acting and pointless filth that it was hard to enjoy.

Rating: C+

Looper Review

Rian Johnson broke out onto the scene with 2005's neo-noir film Brick, which introduced the genre into a high school setting unlike anything that's ever been made.  Continuing his tradition of inventive filmmaking, in Looper Johnson spins the time-travel genre on its head.  Reuniting with Brick alumnus/current coolest guy in the world Joseph Gordon-Levitt, the film takes place in 2044, where  time travel has yet to be invented. JGL acts as a hitman (called "loopers") for future mob bosses who come to his service when they need to dispose of someone without any evidence.  The target is sent back in time, where JGL immediately shoots them dead with a badass gun called a blunderbuss.  Of course, the target must be killed right away and can't escape or else the crime lords are gonna kick your ass; the twist comes along when JGL's next target is his future self (played by Bruce Willis), and hijinks ensue.

Rian Johnson's style can be hit or miss (he's directed two controversial episodes of Breaking Bad, one involving a fly and the other a certain dubstep musical number), but he always succeeds at bringing a unique vision to the screen.  In Looper, there's a very dark, realistic tone despite its sci-fi premise that reminded me a lot of Inception.  The time-travel itself was handled extremely well and the 'rules' of the movie are shown rather than explained.  I love that it doesn't insult the audience's intelligence, with more visual storytelling going on than straightforward exposition, and that it moves at a brisk pace.  Like any great film, I had no idea what was going to happen scene to scene.

A lot of people online are mentioning how JGL looks, but I think they pulled it off great.  The makeup crew tried to fix up his face to look more like Bruce Willis, and I think it added just the right amount of similarity without going into a "total transformation" territory like Daniel Day Lewis in Lincoln. He also brings out a tough-guy furrowed brow and a gruff accent that made it totally believable that Willis and JGL were the same guy.  I also thought Emily Blunt was great too; she plays a southern girl in this and her heavy british accent is completely replaced.  Making short but substantial appearances are Paul Dano who plays another looper in the film, and Jeff Daniels, who plays JGL's boss.  I do wish that Dano was used more though, considering he is a somewhat 'headline' actor.

I'll wrap it up now, but really any true cinema lover needs to see this.  Like any time travel movie (except for maybe Timecrimes) there are some plot holes here and there, but the story, characters, emotion, and action are so well choreographed that it didn't bother me at all (in fact Bruce Willis even has a line like 'I'm not going to pull out straws and make a diagram of how this stuff works').  In my book, Rian Johnson can now be placed in the same league as a Chris Nolan; there's just a certain level of filmmaking going on here that I love seeing and wish there was more of in mainstream action movies and I can't wait to see what else he has in store for us.

Rating: A-

Guns and Baseball

Dredd 3D:

If any comic book franchise needed a reboot it's Judge Dredd.  The character's other appearance on the silver screen was a complete wreck with an indecipherable Sylvester Stallone playing the titular Dredd, co-starring with, of all people, Adam Sandler co-hort Rob Schneider.  Yup, it's bad.  But the silver lining was that now, in 2012, we're seeing the Dredd that should have been, in all it's slick, explosive glory.  The plot is basically a less awesome version of The Raid, where Judge Dredd and his psychic partner Anderson (Karl Urban and Olivia Thirlby) are locked inside an apartment complex and fight an onslaught of bad guys for the whole movie.

Whether or not you enjoy this film really comes down to personal taste.  There are lots of bullets flying, really breathtaking uses of visual effects, and some nice sprinkles of deadpan humor, but this just wasn't my bag.  What you see is what you get with Dredd 3D - there's no real story, subtext, interesting character development - it's just pure carnage for an hour and a half.  There were some cool touches, like Dredd's gun and how it could change ammunition types (like in a video game) and the drug that the bad guys would use on their victims before throwing them off of the tower.  Actually called 'slow-mo', the inhalent makes your brain functioning decelerate, making the long fall down seem like an eternity.  During these scenes the camera slows down thousands of times and what is captured is actually kind of beautiful.  But besides its technical achievements, this is not something I'll want to come back to see, especially when The Raid was the same thing but showcased a lot more real physical talent and different moves - Dredd 3D is just "Bullets: The Movie."

Rating: C

Trouble with the Curve:

Clint Eastwood's late career has been self-typecast as the grumpy old man - a trend I thought would apex at Gran Torino.  But no, we have not seen the last of Eastwood's "grump" films; in Trouble with the Curve, Clint is an aging widow with a detached relationship with his daughter (Amy Adams).  Living the wonder years, his natural talent of baseball draft-picking is starting to deteriorate with his vision, along with some other body parts (we get a nice sequence of him struggling to urinate right at the beginning of the film).  There's really not much to this movie; it's incredibly predictable, there's not much going on that's terribly interesting, and Justin Timberlake is thrown in for no reason other than to have a love interest for Adams.  The only thing I enjoyed were the performances by Clint and Adams, who were pretty convincing at playing off each other, but even with strong lead performances this is a chore to sit through.  Moneyball did baseball better and Robot and Frank did sad/sweet old man better; Trouble with the Curve is a swing-and-a-miss.

Rating: C-

House at the End of Watch

House at the End of the Street:

House at the End of the Street is not only a difficult title to say out loud multiple times, it's also the latest star-vehicle for Jennifer Lawrence, the breakout leading lady from 2010's Winter's Bone who has gone on to just a few small parts, like Mystique in X-Men: First Class and Katniss in The Hunger Games, nothing major.  Who knows, maybe she'll catch her break some day.  The plot is about Lawrence and her mother, played by Elisabeth Shue, moving to a new place after what smells like a rough divorce.  The place that they got for cheap happens to be inexpensive because the next door neighbors had some grisly murders; the whole family is dead save for a young man played by Max Thieriot, who lives there on his own in his family's murder house (nothing sketchy there).  Of course Lawrence falls for this guy and gets in over her head finding out the "secrets" of the murders.

This film, as generic and un-noteworthy as it is, I found to be entertaining in a mindless drive-in kind of way.  Certainly the script is nothing remarkable, but Jennifer Lawrence elevates the material enough that it was, dare I say, just a fun time at the movies.  Not everything has to be the Citizen Kane of their respective genre. I will simply file this under my 'guilty pleasures' tab, along with Green Lantern and Spider-Man 3.

Rating: B-

End of Watch:

David Ayer is no stranger to police dramas, with nearly his entire filmography composed of films centering on the LAPD, most notably Training Day.  In End of Watch Jake Gyllenhaal and Michael Pina star as two cops out doing their thing on the violent streets of South Central.  Jake's character always carries around a video camera and often tapes their misadventures (so it feels very much like an episode of Cops).  I ended up really digging this movie not necessarily because of the story - it boils down to them fighting against cookie-cutter Mexican cartel members - but the relationship between the two guys was so realistic and well handled.  Their respective performances were so good that when shit goes down, I was on the edge of my seat.  There are many 'oh shit' moments in this movie and my audience actually gasped multiple times.  If I have one complaint it's that the whole 'caught on camera' aspect was totally unnecessary and distracting, especially when maybe five or six times throughout the movie, characters will say: "Hey, get that damn camera outta my face!"  Other than that, I'd say End of Watch is worth a watch or two.

Rating: B+